Something worth dying for

Slightly morbid, eh?

I suppose this one will be a bit on the more serious side. Then again, maybe life is serious half the time and ridiculous the rest. And the wisest people always seem to be able to take anything funny seriously if necessary, or to turn anything serious on its side and laugh at it.

But back to my original train of thought... it's been sort of hanging out in the back of my mind for a few days now. It was started by a conversation I had with my Uncle John, while he was replacing the supports on a deck he built 12 or so years ago. I, of course, was sitting on the deck during the replacing-thereof (don't ask, just chalk it up to another one of the ways my Uncle John is so cool.) I'm not quite sure what we were talking about, maybe movies, but it touched on the concept of being willing to die for something...for a belief, a person, ...fill in the blank.

Now I have to say, that I think actually that's not such a hard concept. In fact, I think most of us would be willing to die for someone...a family member, someone we love, God...but what has always fascinated me is this concept of being willing to actually give up my life for someone/something. I don't mean by dying, I mean by giving up everything I've ever wanted, everything I've ever fought for, worked for, lived for -- for someone, something, else.

For me, at least, it would be infinitely more difficult.

You see, I really don't struggle with the idea of dying for God, country, my family. But gosh...to work at Wal-mart for the rest of my life for God...that's a hard one. (yeah, yeah, I know, why would God want me to work at Wal-mart? Work with me here, I had to come up with something I really didn't want to do!) Anyway, the reason I was thinking about this, and have considered it before, is that in my opinion that is exactly what God asks of me, of everyone, and I think that is exactly what is difficult about Christianity. I think God wants a total, overwhelmingly complete, losing oneself-in-Him love, well honestly the sort of love that I'd laugh at if another human asked it of me.

I think I struggle most with pride and with desiring control of my own destiny...maybe that's why this is on my mind. That and the fact that recently I've been wrestling more and more with what it means to be a Christian. I don't want to be lukewarm...I do want my faith to be something very vibrant and alive, something woven through everything I do...and I do think that kind of faith requires a much deeper commitment than the one I've given Him so far.

The thing about God, though, is that He is worth it. He's worth everything. And more than that, because He is the definition of grace and mercy, because He is not selfish; if we do actually manage to sacrifice trying to control our own lives and give everything to Him--He will bless us beyond anything we could imagine, whether in this life, or in the next.